How to make lag on your server? That's the first time I've never seen that question come by lol.

Well it's really easy. Just download random crap from the internet while running your server, in the meantime watch some youtube videos and make sure you are online on some kind of instant messenger. Invite some other people to join your network and let them download stuff as well, and your lag is guaranteed

I can't help you with your pigs, I think something is terribly wrong with them if the amount fluctuates from 80 to 5000. That'd mean every pig (not counting swine here) has to give birth to 63 piglets!

Oh and I don't think sitting on the internet is very comfortable. I've never tried it out though...